please could you help!!!!
Hi i am 17 years old and really need your advice. You see about 5 years ago now, my Grandmother of whom I was very close to died. she was like a
mother to me and i used to see her almost every day. however I just don't know how to
move on. I still really miss her. it's just i just don't know what to do anymore.
We had made so many plans of do together and i had made so many dreams of things i'd
do in the future(with her by my side). but now she's dead i just don't know what to do.
Should I carry on with these dreams/plans/ambitions i'd made when she was alive and had
planned to do together, .......or should i give up on them now she's dead and find some new
dreams instead.Do you t hink it would be insulting to her memory to just carry on with
these dreams.......only now without her? Do you think she'd be offended?
What should I do? i just don't know what the right thing to do is.
Also i don't understand where she's gone. i missed years out of my Secondary education
so haven't really been taught about religion and therefore don't really understand it. What
can i do about this? also, she was cremated. what does christianity/the bible say about
cremation? do cremated people still get to heaven?
Also I have two cousins who live in Germany, only they used to fly over to England each
year and stay at Grandma's house for a few weeks during the holidays. I used to see them
then. Grandma was the one thing connecting us. However now that Grandma's died I don't
know what to do about them. I haven't been in contact with them properly since my
Grandma died.they can't stay over here in England anymore because my mum doesn't
like them...so won't let them stay over with us. they have only over to England once for
two days since Grandma died(they had to stay in a local B&B).
What should i do about them? what is the right thing to do? what is expected of me and
what would Grandma have wanted? should i keep in touch? if so then how? also i am
worried because I was having problems coping at shool (I refused to go on-and-off for my
first two years in high school as i didn't want to move on after the death of Grandma and
also could not deal with the death of someone else of whom i was close to and sort of lost
control of my life a bit...then i ended up refusing to go to school altogether at the end of
my second year and ended up with 5 measly hours of home tuition per week forthe last
three years which should have been spent in school. I them failed all my GCSEs apart
from getting a D/C in English. I know i made a terrible mistake and i can't believe what I've
done but at the time I wasn't thinking logically about what i was doing as i was in a state
of severe depression.)and if i contact my cousins again they're going to ask about what i'm
studying and I'll have to explain why I'm on a low level college course.I feel like i can't
contact them because how on earth can i explain how I failed all my GCSEs and wouldn't
go to school. They're going to think I'm a bad person. and i cannot conceal it from them as
they are really well educated and will notice the huge gaps in my knowledge just by
talking to me. What should i do about this? i FEEL TOO ASHAMED TO FACE THEM.. But how on earth can i explain to them about me refusing to go to school/failing all my GCSEs?. I don't think that i'll be able to visit Germany when i grow up since i am too uneducated...i don't know how to travel--or speak German.
I really miss my Grandma and wondered whether you could offer me any advice as I feel
like i can't stand it.i really miss her and can't move forwards.
please could you reply, i just don't know what to do abou t all this. I just feel as though i
cannot bear the pain of treading the surface of the earth alone forever without her. it's just
unbearable. Also how can i say Goodbye to her . I never got a chance to speak to her before she died and i wasn't allowed to go to her funeral. I still feel like i desperately need to say goodbye to her? How can i do this? Do you have any suggestions? I can't bear it as I REALLY do not know how i can say goodbye to her properly. she was cremated to there is no grave i can visit to talk to.please help! i live in England.
How can i say goodbye? Also(this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away?Please could you offer me any advice as I still REALLY miss her and feel like I can't move on. How can I say goodbye? Also I feel quilty for being alive when she isn't....and don't know how I can go on. I mean it's not just ok to just accept someone's dead and just leave them and move on is it. I feel so unhappy. What should I do and how can I say goodbye? HOW CAN I SAY GOODBYE TO HER??? PLEASE HELP! can you offer me any advice???
Also I missed practiacaly all of my secondary educationn... therefore I also missed Religious Education? I don't understand/get where my Grandma went? Do you know how i can learn about Religion now? Do they run R.E GCSE classes at college?Also this might seem an obvious question (but just needed to check) but do they give a good all-round general education in R.E in school(sorry if this seems a stupid question)?? so if I had gone to school would I now understand where she might be? I feel terriible...because i don't get where she is. what does the Bible
/Christianity say Heaven is like by the way????
Also..............do you know how I can say goodbye to her now..i wasn't allowed to go to her funeral so never got to say goodbye. She was cremated...so there is no grave. By the way what happens to the ashes?? do they bury them in one place or sprinkle them around? (which i wouldn't like to have happened) i hate not knowing. I also feel like I need to say out loud goodbye..such as where she was buried/cremated? How can I do this? wouldn't people at the crematorium stare? Do you have any ideas as to how I can say goodbye??? Also what should I do about my cousins??
please could you reply by email
Modified: 8/26/06 05:02:39 pm |
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nothing is immortal
you gonna die one day too dnt be so afraid...your grandmther died at her stage instead of thinking react just dnt think about loss think about gain
Modified: 5/20/12 08:48:48 am |
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sorry for your loss. i just wanted to say that, i can see how much you are upset by the amount u wrote down.
well, time comes and goes, people die and be born, its all nature.
i'm really sure she was very happy and willing. if she lived longer, she'd jsut suffer all that immence pain of being old.
plus, i'm sure she thought about all her sons and daughters and her grandchildren. and was proud of them.
hope i helped :)
Modified: 10/3/09 02:00:37 pm |
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It's very difficult to say goodbye to a loved one and sometimes takes longer for one person than another. Perhaps you could ease your mind by writing a farewell letter to your Grandma, put it inside a balloon, have the balloon filled with helium and then let it go. Perhaps just the action of writing a farewell letter will help. In this letter, you may not ask any questions, because you will not be getting a reply. You would write only things that you would have wanted to TELL your Grandma, such as how much you love her and how you will remember her. No one is ever completely gone from your life if you simply remember them. As to religion, there are many different viewpoints on where we "go" after we die. No matter which one you would have been taught, they all place a huge significance on rememberance.
If you had given items to someone you loved, wouldn't you expect that they use/play with these items? Would you have wanted your loved one to never use these items again? If you are now too old or you have lost interest in your videos and horses, pass them along to someone else. For example, you could donate them to a children's hospital or orphanage, somewhere that you know they will be appreciated. Please remember that you never actually OWN anything, you only take care of it for awhile. Once you realize that, giving away items isn't that difficult if you feel good about who you gave them to.
Family is family. I would recommend that you write to your cousins. Letters are good and email is great.. since I see that you have an email address, your cousins may have one as well. If you are embarassed about your difficulties with your education, what better place to turn to for support than your family??
All in all, I hope that you are feeling better these days and that this will help. I lost both my parents in one year and can understand how you are feeling, but life goes forward and so did I. If you had dreams and a plan for your life, don't you think your Grandma would have preferred you live your life and do these things? Nobody said you couldn't achieve your dream and then give a little thought to your Grandma!
Modified: 9/25/06 09:13:46 pm |
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